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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178378">Shrimp Paste</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexualNerd/pseuds/BisexualNerd'>BisexualNerd</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batfamily (DCU), Chaos, FEAR ME MORTALS!!!, Gen, Humor, I wrote the outline of this while taking a Home Economics test, Pranks and Practical Jokes, don't take everything too serious plsss, this did happened once in real life and I'm still proud</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:02:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexualNerd/pseuds/BisexualNerd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just an excuse to write about the prank I did to my neighbors a few years ago. They did something really horrible and I have been angry and bitter ever since.<br/>Never forgive, never forget *slams fists on table*<br/>So I'm writing this one fic to associate this favourite prank of mine with something happier 'cause whatever had happened that led to this prank sucked.</p><p>~~~~</p><p>Basically, this is Jason and Tim go pranking someone because that someone is being a pain in their butt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassandra Cain &amp; Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd, Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson, Tim Drake &amp; Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shrimp Paste</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There're probably a lot of plotholes and weird shits because I don't know enough about about America. It's probably not as funny as the time I really did this though. This is many people's favourite story of me doing dumb shit and I take great pride in it. </p><p>So I was doing a Home Economics test and the idea came to me and I HAD to write down the outline of the fic.</p><p>So here I am, introducing you all to one of the most Vietnamese-ish foods. Hope you'll enjoy this (the fic, not the paste)</p><p>Btw, I don't know how to write headlines. I did just because I had to.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tim slammed the piece of newspaper down on the kitchen table and intensified the heat of his glare on it. He knew better than to get upset over another trashy article but this is too much.</p><p>The nerves of him!</p><p>Tim growled and gritted his teeth. He had thought these kinds of articles were a thing in Dick's and Jason's early days only. But no! Just as Jason got legalized as alive again, every newspaper wrote about them, on anything and everything!</p><p>Including this!</p><p>He glared at the headline.</p><p>
  <strong>YOUNG WAYNE RETURNED FROM THE GRAVE - PUBLICITY STUNT OR ANOTHER PLOY IN BRUCE WAYNE'S DEEP DARK SECRET?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> <span class="u">By Simon Andrews.</span> </em>
</p><p>It'd been years since he last saw this kind of article. Probably before Jason's death. He narrowed his eyes at the piece of paper as if it were the worst disgrace in the whole universe.</p><p>It most likely was.</p><p>Brucie Wayne might have always been a bit of a playboy and a billionaire with a notoriously wide range in taste for women but come on! All the cute family shits they did in public and then one just had to go and write this! They all called B <em>Dad </em>in public at least once!</p><p>And for fuck's sake, Damian had never even tried to maim (yes maim, not kill!) him when they went out as the Waynes and that said something!</p><p>This was unbelievable!</p><p>He was considering hacking into the reporter's phone and uploading every dirty secret from big to small of the man on the Internet when something happened.</p><p>The sound of the door got kicked open almost startle him into jumping on the kitchen counter. Jason staggered in, both hands carrying six bags of groceries. He then dumped them all on the table, the newspaper half disappeared under one bag.</p><p>"Timbo!" The man grinned, swooping in the headlock him.</p><p>"No no no! Let me go, Jason!" He tried to duck but it was pretty much of a pathetic attempt. Jason made sure to give him a noogie before releasing him.</p><p>"What with the long face and uh...murderous stare? Need me to kill anyone? One of those rich assholes on your staff? An associate? Or the B-man?"</p><p>Tim let out a snort and pulled the newspaper out from under the bag. He threw it to Jason who effortlessly caught it.</p><p>The man spent the next two minutes scanning at the words before putting the piece of paper down with a <em>what-the-fuck</em> expression crossing his face.</p><p>"Oh wow! This is spicier than those back in my days! More bullshit too! Wow! This...this is bad. Hilariously bad!" Jason belled out a full laugh.</p><p>"Stop laughing! I did some research earlier. This one is a fucking lunatic alright? He had a phone call with CPS yesterday and he made it sound so fucking serious! He's even digging up stuff back from your and Dick's younger years to make evidence."</p><p>"Let him be. It's not like CPS is gonna do anything about it. There's no proof. And should anyone feel offended, it'll be the old man."</p><p>"You left the last gala early. You didn't hear them talking. It was bad. Like unbelievably bad! And now, this fucking article, and the one last week! I was...hmmph!</p><p>Tim huffed and sighed in defeat. He didn't know why he had to try and convince his brother of how awful everything about this was.</p><p>Jason furrowed his brows and approached him.</p><p>"Hey, hey...I get it, alright? It's just B and I, we dealt with this all the time back then. But, since you're new to this, it's bout to be overwhelming. I suppose...we can teach him not to mess with the Waynes like this. We can do it the fun way too!"</p><p>From the smirk on his brother's face, Tim could guess what he was talking about.</p><p>"A prank." It wasn't a question.</p><p>"Exactly! I've got some cool shits from helping that restaurant last week and I've got an idea."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They went over to one of Jason's safe house. The older one opened his cupboard and brought out two bottles. He gave Tim the purplish red one.</p><p>"Give it a sniff."</p><p>He looked at Jason with suspicion but opened the bottle anyway.</p><p>"Oh, my gods! What is this?!?" The smell was awful and he pushed the bottle away from him as far as possible.</p><p>"A Vietnamese paste call<em> mam tom.</em> Yea, I helped a Vietnamese restaurant. They said if you straight up translate it, it means shrimp paste."</p><p>"Is this even made of shrimps? Who eats this stuff?"</p><p>"Vietnamese." Jason deadpanned. "Some other people do too. And it is made of shrimps, with some more things I guess. They gave me a bit of everything after I chased off the robbers. There's fish sauce too. It tastes a lot better but it still smells. Not as much as this thing does though."</p><p>"What are we gonna do with these?" Tim asked tiredly, eyeing the bottle. An idea was blooming in his head but he wanted to hear Jason's as well.</p><p>"We're gonna make a mixture." Ding dong! He was correct. "With some more stuff adding to these. There's a big empty bottle near the doorway. Get it for me and I'll bring the others out. Let's mix these up!"</p><p>He returned with the empty bottle and saw Jason putting a bunch of food and spices on the table.</p><p>Long story short, the mixture contained:<br/>-Mam tom/Shrimp paste<br/>-Fish sauce<br/>-Garlic<br/>-Onion<br/>-Chillies<br/>-Salt, sugar and pepper<br/>-Expired yoghurt ("Urgh, why is this thing still in your refrigerator Jay?")<br/>-Some water</p><p>Jason tightened the cap, shook it a few times and put the whole bottle in a plastic bag. The bottle of the mixture would be staying in a corner of Jason's safe house for the next five days.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"It looks disgusting."</p><p>"That's the point of it Timorie."</p><p>Simon Andrews had written another piece about them, and walked around talking to people about it for a video. It went viral.</p><p>"Let's make a video. To show him not to mess with us Waynes." Tim said, clutching his camera.</p><p>"Sure, why not?" Jason shrugged. "Start filming kid."</p><p>They explained the whole situation to the camera and Jason opened the bottle. They had already prepared a bunch of tiny plastic bags and two bigger ones to divine the mixture into so as to make it easier to trash the reporter's house.</p><p>The mixture smells like death itself. Tim was sure that he was about to pass out right there and then.</p><p>He didn't, thank God (not Jason who pushed the bottle towards him just as the man threw the cap away).</p><p>Though Jason had held the bottle really far away from his nose, he still looked like he was trying real hard not to puke. Someone's house was going to be a mam tom paradise tonight.</p><p>They poured the disgusting stuff into the bags and tied them up carefully. Actually, now that he had thought about it, the mixture definitely made mam tom a saint in comparison of the two smells.</p><p>They set off to the reporter's house which was located in a less busy part of the city. The man was at work as it was only 3 in the afternoon. Jason kept the bags neatly in another bag as Tim got the window to open. It was child's play.</p><p>The house wasn't big as the reporter was living by himself. They put the mixture from the big bag on every surface, set up five spy Batcams in various places and left behind a note.</p><p><strong>"Jason and Tim <em>Wayne</em> sent their love. You can't sue us 'cause our <em>DAD</em> owns this city."</strong> Bruce didn't really own the city, but that was irrelevant.</p><p>Tim held the camera in front of his face.</p><p>"We, however, can sue you for offending all of us through your so-called articles and video. Much love." </p><p>He stumbled a bit as Jason yanked him away, saying they still have the front of the house to redecorate. They threw the smaller bags and the house now looked like it had been painted with ugly, shapeless dark purple flowers. Jason put two last spy cams in their places and they left the house, claiming their perch on a nearby building. It wasn't a high building in their standard but it would have to be enough for now.</p><p>They saw the yellow car rolling down the street about an hour later. As if the owner of the car could see something was wrong, he quickly pulled into the driveway and stumbled out of our car.</p><p>"What the fuck is this!!?!?" They heard a scream with a string of curses. The reporters threw the door open and got in, more yelling and cursing followed.</p><p>Tim and Jason grinned to themselves and they watched what was happening inside the house through Tim's tablet.</p><p>"Serve that asshole right." Tim muttered. </p><p>"What you're gonna do with the video?" Jason asked.</p><p>"I'm gonna edit it a bit and upload it. Clear whatever rumours they got on B."</p><p>"That sounds good. Wanna go grab a bite or something?"</p><p>"Ice cream, please. I'm so traumatized by the mixture!" Tim groaned, standing up. Jason got them ice cream after that and Tim made sure to inhale the delicious thing first to forget about the shrimp paste.</p><p>They arrived home almost two hours later, just half an hour before dinner. Tim edited the video that night and uploaded it without a second thought.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Morning came with Dick kicking down his door and jumping on his bed.</p><p>"You did all that without me!?! I can't believe this dirty betrayal! Did you know how hard I was trying to get all the questions off our back!?!?" Tim winced from the loud volume and Dick flopped down on him. "I'm deeply hurt, baby bird. I can't believe you don't love me enough to tell me about it! Both of you! <em>Such traitors! Such agony!</em>"</p><p>"Dick, can you get off me? I'm suffocating." Tim muttered from under his cover, and his brother.</p><p>"This is what you get for betraying me. Your brother!"</p><p>"Dick, seriously, I need to breathe."</p><p>"Fine, fine. But next time, remember to call me." Dick rolled off him and Tim groaned, sitting up and started to question his life choices.</p><p>He finally got down to the kitchen after knocking the pile of a human disaster that was Dick off him. The man kept clinging to him, muttering about his ultimate betrayal. But the moment they saw Jason, Tim pushed Dick off to his second oldest brother and ran off, yelling.</p><p>"He betrayed you too. Go bother him!"</p><p>After Alfred had set his plate down in front of him for maybe 3 minutes, he saw Jason walked in with Dick still had his arms around the younger's waist, being dragged across the floor.</p><p>"Get off me Dickhead!" Jason growled.</p><p>"Noooooo..." Dick whined back.</p><p>"Dick, get off your brother." Bruce said from his seat, never taking his eyes off the newspaper.</p><p>"But Brooooseeee..."</p><p>He could see Damian huffing from beside Bruce and hear Cass giggling from across the table.</p><p>"No but. Go sit down and eat your breakfast." The older man said in his<em> I'm-too-old-and-tired-for-this-shit </em>tone.</p><p>Dick grumbled and complied, sitting down between Damian and Cass. Jason glared at their older brother and claimed the seat next to him.</p><p>"I saw the video." Bruce said after a moment of silence. "Actually it was Clark who saw it first and sent it to me. Was that really necessary?"</p><p>"Yesss!" He exclaimed. "Of course it is!"</p><p>"Father, I would hate to agree with Drake but it was a necessary action." Damian spoke up, puffing his chest a little. "That reporter was aiming to taint our reputation and we can not let him get away with it."</p><p>"Just don't go and threaten him with your weapons please." Bruce sighed. "Your brothers have done enough and we can call for a conference on this to clear the rumours."</p><p>"C'nfer'nce s'nds fook'ng bo'vin'." Jason said through a mouthful of food.</p><p>"Swallow, then speak Jay."</p><p>"I said, that conference sounds boring."</p><p>"Huh? I thought you said something else too. Between sounds and boring." Tim grinned.</p><p>"You'd better watch it, Timmio." His grin grew as Jason pointed his fork at him.</p><p>"Boys." Bruce warned to the sound of Cass's little laugh as Jason half-heartedly glared at him once more. </p><p>The rumours died down after two more weeks and Tim now knew about another food that he should avoid. For forever.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=m%E1%BA%AFm+t%C3%B4m&amp;client=ms-android-oppo&amp;prmd=imvn&amp;sxsrf=ALeKk00EG8XmyuEuh6CeDncpi6cYZrtzyw:1589546829954&amp;source=lnms&amp;tbm=isch&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjwt5yx87XpAhW9IqYKHYnbALAQ_AUoAXoECBgQAQ">Here's mam tom, or mắm tôm in Vietnamese.</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=n%C6%B0%E1%BB%9Bc+m%E1%BA%AFm&amp;client=ms-android-oppo&amp;prmd=imvn&amp;sxsrf=ALeKk03Nh9EGtmRfA-SfIIeBbOnxJ3U2aA:1589547167363&amp;source=lnms&amp;tbm=isch&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwippY7S9LXpAhWZfXAKHWxbBewQ_AUoAXoECBUQAQ&amp;biw=360&amp;bih=598">And here's fish sauce, or nước mắm in Vietnamese.</a>
</p><p>Too bad I didn't think of taking any pictures of my own mixture so I can't show you my creation of an abomination.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yea we Viet got that paste for real. I only tried the original shrimp paste once and never again. They actually mix it up a bit to eat with white noodle verminelli and fried tofu and it tastes great. Much better than the original.</p><p>The prank was real but it wasn't this well organized. I did all by myself and actually almost puked and passed out upon smelling the mixture, which was the combination of a bunch of things I found in the kitchen while doing the dishes. And I hid it at my desk for a week! Not five days. And then I threw the bag contained the mixture into my eeeeevil neighbors' house.<br/>It was such sweet revenge *cackles evilly*</p><p>Leave me some love through kudos and comments if you did enjoy this ❤❤❤</p><p>Finally, I'm now on Tumblr. You can find me at <a href="https://bisexualnerd.tumblr.com/">@bisexualnerd</a>. It'd be lovely to have anyone dropping into my messages or ask box. Or if you need anyone to talk to, don't be afraid to message me. I'd always be happy to help 😃<br/>See ya all later &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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